I have been on testosterone blockers for 7 days now. So far I don’t feel much different. Friends have told me that I would start to feel a little calmer, a little less roller coasterish on the emotional front. And my sex drive would crash. My prostate is also supposed to shrink Maybe it is working but I can’t tell, especially the prostate part.
I do not think my emotions are stabilizing. I spent about a half hour crying during a rather emotional texting session with my friend B. She is trying to woo back the true love of her life and I really want B to be happy. She has helped my a lot in my transition and I want to support her for a change. My aggression is a bit tamed. I only yell at half the bad drivers i used to. That could also be due to the fact that I am more content with being trans now and feel less anger and anxiety overall. My sex drive crashed a while ago. However ‘morning wood’ has been replaced by ‘soggy noodle’. Still not sure if that’s from the spiro and not from something else. It was happening with more frequency without t-blockers. The only really noticeable thing has been the slowing of my beard growth. Hurray!
I dont think that I can judge much about my emotional state right now since I have to make some pretty dramatic decisions about my dad. I had to place him in assisted living.
My dad lives in Arizona, which is 320 miles away and about a 4 hour drive from my home. He broke his hip three weeks ago. Too show you how tough he is; he walked on it for 10 days with crutches before the pain got so bad he had to call the paramedics. Now he has at least 6 more weeks of recovery after hip replacement surgery. Unfortunately he can’t take care of himself yet so we opted for the assisted living facility. This decision is taking a huge emotion toll on both of us. He has to leave his home and exist with a condensed version of his life. Almost 60 odd years of accumulated memories and possessions are in this house. I have to help him distill this down to fit in a one bedroom studio apartment. This process has been very hard for me as well. I come across things from my mother and brother that cause me to tear up or sob uncontrollably. I miss them both dearly and doing this has brought those feelings right back to the surface.
I believe that dealing with my transexualism has helped me develop a inner strength to carry on. I am more accepting of my responsibilities to my family. I don’t run away from difficulties like I used too. It does not make it any easier by far. However, it does give me the focus and resolve to see it through.