One year ago today I made a call. A simple call, a few minutes knocked off my monthly cell allotment. I had no real idea how this call was going to go. I also didn’t know how it would change my whole future.
We only met once. Potential employer to potential employee. I can only remember it was a nice lunch and even better conversation. Things eventually fell through but somehow we had made an impression on each other. Too bad the two people that met that day were just shadows.
To tell the truth I’m not sure what drove me to look her up. I had called the person who actually introduced us so long ago and found out she had a website. Lucky for me there was an e-mail address and a phone number. Here is where my memory gets a little blurry. How many days it took to build up enough courage to make that call I don’t recall. Did I e-mail first? Maybe, maybe not. I do know that I got up from my desk at work and took a walk outside.
I do remember the clear blue sky and a pleasant breeze. My fingers shook as I dialed the number. As I heard the dial tone one thought flashed through my mind; “don’t pick up, please don’t pick up.” A voice more musical than I remember said hello.
Pleasantries aside I got down to the real reason I called. “Becky?” I said, “I’m a crossdresser.” More blurriness. I vaguely remember talking about dressing for the first time. Then Becky asked, “how did you feel?”
I paused for only a second. “It felt right. I felt whole”. I took a breath.
“Dear, your not a crossdresser, your a transexual.” Her musical voice just sealed my fate. One word. The word. Transexual. I felt me knees give way. More music; “Do you know the difference between a crossdresser and a transexual?” I shook my head, a useless gesture.
“No”. My voice was weak.
A cheerful reply “Three to five years!” a little laugh.
I started to cry. I know I denied it. I denied it with my entire soul. She was wrong. So very wrong. I was a crossdresser, no more no less. That alone was causing strain in my marriage. Transexual? That doomed my marriage, my family, my life. Somehow I excused myself from the call.
Damn her! She didn’t know me. How could she say that? I cried more. I went back inside and sat at my desk in shock.
Three to five years. It took three months. Three months to come to terms with the fact that I wanted to be a woman. In five months I walked out into the sunlight for the first time as my true self.
Two people once met as strangers. Not just to each other,but to themselves. Now we know each other as who we really are. Becky is my big sister. She scared me to death one year ago. Now I realize she saved my life by opening my eyes and my heart.
My life did not end. My marriage did not end. In fact my life has just begun.
Thank you sis. Happy anniversary!
I love you.