My new life as a transexual

I happened to put a cd in my car stereo I hadn’t listened to in a while. It was a collection of heavy metal tunes I used to love to drive to. I forgot how much I missed that music.

I have read a number of transgender blogs this last year. One interesting thing I have found is the large number of trans people (mostly MTF) used to listen to heavy metal and punk music. Once they start to transition their musical interests seem to change. I know that my tastes lean more towards Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and ‘gasp’ Taylor Swift then Mötley Crüe.

I wonder if loud pounding music helped to silence the noise in our heads. Maybe the testosterone fueled lyrics and blaring guitars helped to mask our suppressed femininity. Also, long hair was a sign of a serious rocker. We could indulge in the luxury of pony tails without being labelled gay or girly. After all, those long haired rock gods got all the awesome girls. Although I know I occasionally thought how cool it would be to one of those rocker chicks.

Now I listen to music that appeals to my girly side. Songs filled with emotions and fun fill my iPod and cd player. The kind of music that makes me want to dance and sing along.

But, every once and a while that rocker chick comes out. The yearning for spandex, leather and high heels. I have the long hair again but I look more like Lita Ford than Vince Neil. Not that I mind at all now.

So this morning I left for work listening to ‘Born This Way’. By the time I arrived it was ‘Paradise City’. Yes my musical tastes have changed a bit. The face looking back from the rear view mirror has changed too. In fact she’s pretty cute for a 47 year old rocker chick. I think I pop in some Def Leopard for the drive home.


Comments on: "Music to soothe the savage beast" (2)

  1. haha I can so relate to this. I mean i guess when i was in my car driving alone (before I admitted to myself I was trans) I would listen to more questionable things like Lady Gaga a little…. and when i was like 12-16ish my sister just recently reminded me she has caught me listening to to Destiny child (luckily she didnt know about kelly clarkson haha :P). But I largely liked, and still do to a degree like, metal and rock music.. I would never admit I liked any other type of music… still wont since I am not out… but if someone looks at my pandora list of different stations they are going to be rather confused now…. system of a down, avenged sevenfold, shinedown, rise against…. and then all of a sudden stations like… kelly clarkson, pink, lady gaga… and glee cast radio :D.

  2. sarahrwilson said:

    Thank you for sharing another “if I knew then” moments. Another reminder that we’re never that alone in these things.

    Interesting you should mention drowning out the internalized noise. The only thing I could find to really accomplish this along with mind numbing things was playing the music extremely loud in my headphones. By modifying the jack, I was able to exceed the “threshold of pain” (120 db +) if I felt the need. About the time I moved out of my parents apartment, I acquired a pair of 200 watt vacuum tube amplifiers, just the thing for heavy metal listening at more than concert hall levels. The timing was perfect.

    My playlist consisted of The Pretenders, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Deep Purple, Ozzy Osbourne, and anything else I could play at leasebreaking levels.

    Now I’ll have to look for my cassette copy of “Sad Wings of Destiny.” The scream at the end of “Victim of Changes” is probably the most intense I’ve heard at any level.


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