My new life as a transexual

Jailhouse Ecomony

I’ve been a little depressed the past few days. It all started when my car did not pass the California emission test. The idle was all messed up and the car has been overheating as well. Well I was forced to take it in for service.

I initially the service tech estimated the repairs at about $700. Gradually it became clear that was a tad bit low. A bit more digging under the hood and another $600 in fix this or else stuff.

Let me point out that I dropped the car off while I was at work. This meant I was presenting female. I was getting a bit tired of having car stuff explained to me in the most basic terms. Ahem, I used to work on my own cars. The worst thing that was said to me (twice by the way) was “Your husband should take better care of your car”. This is why I’m glad my daughter took auto shop this year. Even when I obviously understood what the service tech was telling me he kept cutting me off to explain things. I gave up, told the tech to fix what was necessary and leave the rest of the non essential stuff for later.

If another genetic woman tells me that I have no clue what they go through every day I’ll scream. I know exactly what they are talking about because I experience it first hand. This extends to work as well which also was helping along my depression. Even though the people I work with used to come to me for information now they treat me like my input is suspect. It’s like ‘your just a girl let the guys handle this’. Some of the women don’t seem to like it because I might be coming off as some know it all bitch. On top of it all I’m getting sick of the ‘you the man’ and ‘thank you sir’ comments in my e-mails. I’m still not allowed to point out which pronouns I prefer. It really sucks when I have to deal with ‘hey man, can you take care of this for me ‘ comments when wearing a silk blouse, full skirt, heels, and pink lip gloss.

Another thing that has been feeding my depression has been my facial hair. Due to our financial situation I haven’t had the discretionary income to spend on electrolysis. I was thinking about about how inmates in old prison movies used cigarettes as an underground currency. I found myself creating a similar way to gauge my expenses in terms of electrolysis sessions. Not exactly a healthy way of viewing the world. For example the current cost of repairs to my car was nearly 18 sessions. I could almost feel the stubble grow looking at it that way.

Thursday afternoon rolled around and I got another call from the car dealer. Weeeeeellllll….more bad news. The water pump was trashed. Approximate cost, 10 sessions. I almost smashed my head into my keyboard. My friend Hanalena tried to get me to look at the repair cost in a better way. She did point out that without a car I would have trouble getting to work. No work = no money for anything, let alone hair removal. She also made it clear that a new car would put more than a serious dent in my transition expenses. A little dose of reality made it a bit more tolerable. Still I wasn’t too happy.

The dealer was nice enough to provide me a rental car. (I have a little more about my rental experience in another post) Turned out I got a nice black Lincoln with a big v8 engine. Lucky for me it had the sport package. Big smiles and some screeching tires ensued. Also, I did look awesome getting out of it in stiletto heels and a short pencil skirt.

Friday afternoon I got a call from the dealer expecting to be told my car was finished. Nope, no such luck. However they did have a total for me. 27 sessions! Aaaarrrrgggghhh!!! At least I got the rental for my support group meeting.

I would like to take a second to bring attention to a member of my group. Her name is Corrine and she has a YouTube channel Transrinlove. She started her transition around when I started mine last year. She is a truly amazing person. Please look her up if you have a chance.

Hugs,
-Rachel

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Comments on: "Jailhouse Ecomony" (4)

  1. Rachel,

    I did have to smile a bit when reading your post… not because I found it funny, just because it reminded me so much of all this things I went trough. Its only such a short time ago, but so much I forgot already.
    The car thing for sure its a issue… I deal with that every day, being a engineer, working in a engineering field and interacting with other engineers daily. I tend to not think about it much anymore, if I feel I don’t want to argue, then I take a male friend with me, if I decide I do want to argue I can be the super bitch and just shred them to pieces. In general I have “calmed” much down and my interests have shifted, so that even one wants to treat me a “child” I let them have it their way. Just yesterday we needed a new battery for a car and it was a nightmare since we had no model number, only the ratings… The sales guy wanted to argue and act, my male friend did not understand enough about the issue, so I involved myself in the problem – which left some males in room look stupid 😉 !

    A little bit of the above problem has to do with confidence in your self. I am pretty sure once your further down the path of transition you will give in on certain things but regain you prior position. Both sides, the environment and we our self, have to be confident about the person we are, then it all works again fine. Now your are as we say in our language “between table and bench”, neither standing nor sitting.

    The economical strategy your mentioning is not only your problem, I went so much trough the same… Oh this shirt – ah no 1/2 laser session… new tires… ah no this and that. Now that I need fewer bucks for my transition I am not bothered with this so much anymore, expect that women do tend to spend more money 🙂 !
    I have a functioning wardrobe – the full male one was donated some time last fall. Facial hair needs only occasional touch ups – as this morning, I just got back from one session.
    The funny thing that struck me was, that I was a women going there, not even my hair growth pattern or so made them ask any question, ma’am this and ma’am that, scary !

    Rachel, when things bother you, then just keep in mind how it would be to transition in a country, where women in general don’t drive cars and the ones they do, do it only for the past few years… Where there is specific branches or sections in banks for women. Where females and males often don’t sit on the same table or even same room. That is my reality since few month. Now my car does not fit my gender anymore… I can barely talk about my interests in “public”, because women would culturally just not engage in the same interests, etc etc. etc. – Yet I am doing fine and I am enjoying my new life.

    Hugs,Sarah

    • Hi Sarah, I always enjoy your comments. You force me to keep things in perspective. I know eventually these problems will be a thing of the past (like my beard). Some will be replaced by new problems. But, I’ll deal with those too :-).

      As for the car thing at least I know they can’t rip me off with unnecessary repairs. I do find that sometimes I just act cute and clueless rather than fight it. I might hate it but it can make dealing with men less confrontational and less stressful.

      Things have been looking up a bit. But more on that later.

      Hugs, -Rachel.

      Sent from my iPhone

  2. Rachel,
    It’s tough to have all those things go wrong at once. Car repairs can be so expensive. Take heart. What it really means is that life continues at its normal pace and hasn’t stopped because you are transitioning. Of course the transitioning makes normal life harder, but you can handle it. Keep smiling.

    Hugs,

    Becky

    • Rachel,

      one thing I love and got to appreciate about the internet is, how much encouragement we can derive from it in our transitions !

      At one point, very early on I put some youtube videos that where most resembling my type of person on my mobile phone. When I got dragged down by life I watched them and it always gave me the confidence that it will work out at the end. Most stories I knew where about transitions that took years. After heaving read the “blog” of Becky Allison, the now director of WPATH it gave me the courage to start, since she managed to pull it off in a way that seemed acceptable to me.
      I am glad I passed the transitional tunnel so fast and that I was able to see the light at the other end all the way trough, but that only with the help of all this videos and blogs. Now I can tell the same stories as others have told me :-).

      Whether you shave for another couple of month or not is not relevant, its of corse nicer not having to, but then we get other maintenance chores to take care of… Even the chores transition from one to another.

      Sarah

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