I was running late the other morning and my wife was ahead of schedule. I decided to get dressed for work before leaving and ran out in a black pencil skirt and a purple sweater. We have a straight carport and she was parked behind my car.
Let me point out for those that might not know. My wife and I came to an agreement that I could do my gender expression at work instead of at home. That way I have the freedom to be myself and be more productive. This agreement was also designed that my wife would not have to see me fully en femme. I change into guy clothes before I come home.
Other than some light dressing and some initial playful crossdressing early in my coming out she has had a hard time seeing me fully as a woman. We have been working a little towards that goal and I do back off when she gets uncomfortable.
Unfortunately that morning even without makeup and my breast forms I looked totally female. That was not what my wife was expecting to see first thing in the morning. She backed out of the carport and I drove away quickly. We did share a light wave as I passed.
Well I guess the experience was too intense for her. She spends four hours every morning by herself until she has to pick up our daughter. That’s a long time to sit alone with your thoughts. She had an emotional breakdown. My wife went into our closet and tore all my clothes off the hanger rails. She was not very delicate as she broke a number of the plastic hangers. Everything was thrown in to corner of the closet in a pile.
When I got home she was rather quiet. This was not an unexpected given the events of the morning. I actually did not find out what had happened until the next morning when I went to get dressed for work.
When I went into the closet I broke down in fits of tears. I picked a blouse out of the pile and quickly ironed it. I spent most of the day in a black funk. I decided in a fit of anger to fill my estrogen prescription. I was so mad I thought I could get back at her with the thing she dreads most. She has seen the effects I have gotten on Spiro. We have also talked about what would happen to me when I threw in estrogen. Neither of us are prepared for those changes. I agreed to hold off as long as possible because it would be nearly impossible to hide the effects from the kids.
As the day wore on I began to regret my choice. Then I got the confirmation from my doctor that the prescription was sent to the pharmacy. I told a few friends and they were ecstatic that I finally decided to start full HRT. I hadn’t told them why I made the decision. I read through the confirmation note from my endocrinologist and at the end he asked if I told my family. My anger and need for revenge was replaced with guilt and remorse. It’s been 2 days and I have not picked up my prescription.
My eventual goal is to stay married and still have the respect of my kids. My actions were no less childish that my wife’s. Two wrongs don’t make a right. And in this case two wrongs could wreck everything. I decided that I would have to talk to my wife about all this when I got home. Another surprise hit me when I got home. My daughter’s boyfriend was visiting and my wife had to drive him home after dinner (almost 90minutes round trip). That killed my hope of talking to my wife.
I got the boys ready for bed and took care of the the dishes and trash. I also surveyed the damage in the closet. Luckily nothing was damaged. I hung a few pieces up and folded the rest. When my wife got home I think we had worked ourselves up so much that we couldn’t find the words. We both went to bed and you could hear our stomachs churning.
I’m going to give it another shot tonight. Wish me luck.