I was trying to get a hold of a friend that I had met in my trans support group. She didn’t return any of my e-mails or voice mail. I had wanted to find out how she was doing after SRS. I hope she is doing well.
This got me to thinking why so many of us disappear the further along we get in transition. For the most part I think it’s because they have reached their ultimate goal of being their true gender. In the beginning we need all the help and support we can get. Transition is not something anyone can be prepared for. It’s scary and nerve wracking. But, as we get more comfortable with ourselves we gain a lot of strength and courage. Life as trans doesn’t seem so horrible or scary anymore.
We tend to write less or attend less meetings or even have more infrequent appointments with our therapists. Some of our friendships or acquaintances fade away. Many of these relationships are based soley on shared experience. Once we become the man or woman we always were meant to be we just want to get on with our new lives. We create new relationships with others who might never know we are trans. Many go complete stealth. They break all ties to everyone from their old lives. Their lives become a clean slate so they can start anew.
I miss those friends but I can understand why they just go away. However, I have met a few ‘stealthers’ who come back at times. They come back because they thought life would be so much easier after transition and they find that it wasn’t for them. A few had troubles making new friends and relationships because they live in constant fear that someone will find out about their pasts. They buried that past so deep that they isolate themselves from the very life they wanted to live.
I applaud those that do stay somewhat active in the community. You are examples to those just starting the discovery process. Your lives help inspire those that might be afraid about life after transition. You are proof that it does get better and life goes on. As for me, I think I owe it to those who come after me to at least be there for them. A kind of payback for all the support and encouragement I received.
I am far from being over with my transition but I have had moments where I’ve thought I had nothing more to say. I felt like moving on and leaving this blog behind. But I can’t bring myself to just abandon what I started. I know that I don’t have millions of readers but I have touched some of you. I can’t just leave you in the middle of your journey even if mine has reached its destination.
I may have started this blog as a crossdresser but I kept the name The Frugal CD even after I realized I was transexual. Why confuse things and make it harder to find me? (note: I do know someone who had to change her blog for various reasons. This was out of necessity not just change of perspective.) So, if anyone reading this happens to be someone who has faded away please drop me a comment sometime. I would like to know that your are ok and that you have found peace and happiness.