My new life as a transexual

Come and go

I was trying to get a hold of a friend that I had met in my trans support group. She didn’t return any of my e-mails or voice mail. I had wanted to find out how she was doing after SRS. I hope she is doing well.

This got me to thinking why so many of us disappear the further along we get in transition. For the most part I think it’s because they have reached their ultimate goal of being their true gender. In the beginning we need all the help and support we can get. Transition is not something anyone can be prepared for. It’s scary and nerve wracking. But, as we get more comfortable with ourselves we gain a lot of strength and courage. Life as trans doesn’t seem so horrible or scary anymore.

We tend to write less or attend less meetings or even have more infrequent appointments with our therapists. Some of our friendships or acquaintances fade away. Many of these relationships are based soley on shared experience. Once we become the man or woman we always were meant to be we just want to get on with our new lives. We create new relationships with others who might never know we are trans. Many go complete stealth. They break all ties to everyone from their old lives. Their lives become a clean slate so they can start anew.

I miss those friends but I can understand why they just go away. However, I have met a few ‘stealthers’ who come back at times. They come back because they thought life would be so much easier after transition and they find that it wasn’t for them. A few had troubles making new friends and relationships because they live in constant fear that someone will find out about their pasts. They buried that past so deep that they isolate themselves from the very life they wanted to live.

I applaud those that do stay somewhat active in the community. You are examples to those just starting the discovery process. Your lives help inspire those that might be afraid about life after transition. You are proof that it does get better and life goes on. As for me, I think I owe it to those who come after me to at least be there for them. A kind of payback for all the support and encouragement I received.

I am far from being over with my transition but I have had moments where I’ve thought I had nothing more to say. I felt like moving on and leaving this blog behind. But I can’t bring myself to just abandon what I started. I know that I don’t have millions of readers but I have touched some of you. I can’t just leave you in the middle of your journey even if mine has reached its destination.

I may have started this blog as a crossdresser but I kept the name The Frugal CD even after I realized I was transexual. Why confuse things and make it harder to find me? (note: I do know someone who had to change her blog for various reasons. This was out of necessity not just change of perspective.) So, if anyone reading this happens to be someone who has faded away please drop me a comment sometime. I would like to know that your are ok and that you have found peace and happiness.



Comments on: "Come and go" (3)

  1. Thank you for your commitment to stay here for those of us who are continuing on this journey. It can be so lonely at times and even the tiniest connection is so valuable.

  2. Rachel,

    The fading away is something that is not always voluntary, it just happens.
    You move to new job, stop explaining you self up-front to people and gradually you slip into stealth. I was once very active online, in forums and support groups, but then “real life” has take over a bit, in the sense of me being confident enough to leave the house and socialize. Now sometimes I have to steal time away for my blog and there is not much left to spend it with other online activities.

    I think like with many things, we start of involving a lot of people in our lives and gradually narrow it down to people who get close to us, with those we keep contact.

    I value the information and exchange I had online with so many from this community. I have been much longer active online then I transitioned, many years before I took the decision to transition I was roaming the internet to find answers.

    As you and I talked yesterday, once you reach the other side and settle in, it nearly feels absurd why somebody would make such a drastic decision to transition, feeling normal just feels so normal now !

    On the other hand I started also to get a bit frustrated about my interactions. Many don’t take advice, they ask for, but then conveniently search so long until they find somebody that agrees with them, without ever questioning them self. Every bodies transition is different, yet there is some things that seem to happen to all of us a one point.

    The other thing that might bear some dangers about too much interaction is expectations.
    If we get too many ideas, see too many results, its easy to jump to conclusions and expectations that later differ from our own path and we fall again. I have seen people who got very misguided by other and ended up in a mess, because their own situation in life was just different and they where dreaming.

    Today I find person, person to person exchange much more important. Rather share my life with few, but deeply.

    I continue my blog for two reasons.

    Number one being that it is very therapeutic for me to write me thoughts down, with every posting I relive what its going on in my life and makes its much moe easy do “digest” it.

    Number two is, that I am separated by a continent from my friends of my past life, family and the likes. This way they can easy follow what is going on with me.

    Also I have started to go back in my blog and read things I wrote in the past and I am amazed my self what was going on at that time… I forgot so much already and makes me appreciate what I have today .


  3. The main reason for disappearance might be due to fear of being accepted. You were a best friend of someone when you were a guy/girl, now when you are not, he/she might not consider you as close as you were before, since according to them, you have not only changed your gender, but also your habits and thinking, which will eventually lead to your separation from the people you used to be close to.

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