After my post about my possibly former friend I needed to find something more positive to say. It turns out my friend Becky Kent came up with a good idea so I hope she doesn’t mind if I borrow it. She chose Rogers and Hammerstein, I chose ZZ Top.
And yes, those are mine.
I did a bit of retail therapy this Thursday trying to flush some of the bad feelings out of my head. I found two cute items in the clearance rack at Target. A dark purple top and a pink skirt. Not just any pink, a very vibrant fuschia. And short, but still modest (just barely). My female friends have been telling me for quite a while that I have nice legs and I should show them off a little more. Well, I decided to give it a go.
I left for work with “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” blaring on my car CD player. I figured it would set the tone for the day. For those who don’t know I change clothes at work. Since it was casual Friday I had my normal girl jeans and a gender neutral tshirt on when I got out of the car. By the time I got out of the bathroom I had on my new outfit, black nylons, and 4in black suede pumps. Oh yes I was rocking this outfit for all it was worth.
For the past week or so I have not felt very feminine. I look in the mirror and I have a hard time seeing that girl looking back. For some reason I see the current effects of estrogen making me look less feminine. So I needed something to boost my spirits and confidence.
Well I achieved that and much more.
Nearly every guy in the place seemed uncomfortable. This was the first time I have intentionally tried to dress sexier than normal. The only other time was when I wore a v neck t shirt that hinted at my developing cleavage. That time the men I had to talk to struggled to keep from looking down at my chest. A natural reaction most guys have when they look at a woman. In my case, the fact that they all knew me as a guy made it worse. Most straight guys have a hard time overcoming homophobia, I know because I was homophobic and a guy once. And any sane guy would not want to be caught dead looking at another guys chest even if there were breasts involved.
I would like to mention that the skirt is tight and stretchy. Oh I love spandex. My butt has also grown since starting hormones and the skirt accented it quite a bit. So here I am showing some leg and getting a little sway in the caboose courtesy of the high heels. The guys did look as I walked by but I should have bought stock in a neck brace company as they were giving themselves whiplash trying to look away.
I was making a statement. I am becoming a woman. I am not a dude in a dress. This is not play acting, it’s real and it’s not over. Get used to it.
A female friend mentioned that maybe the skirt was a little inappropriate for work. I just shrugged and walked to my desk. At one point I had to walk over to another department. A few of my female coworkers gave me disapproving glances. But, the majority told me how good I looked. A few said I shouldn’t worry about the other women because they were just jealous. A girl in our purchasing department, who is very attractive herself, said “Girl! You look hot!” I blushed. Over the course of the day I got a few more comments like that.
I felt sexy and beautiful. My confidence was soaring. When I got back to my desk I was happy. I also realized that I was experiencing a sense of that feminine power women have. I also experienced a tiny bit of the competitiveness women have towards other women. We have a sales rep who has a temporary office in our building for the times she is not traveling. She is young and very attractive. Guys flirt with her all the time and she works it to her advantage. She started off the day in jeans. After we happened to run into each other while getting coffee she went and changed. This girl wanted to let me know that she was still queen of the building. I know this because my desk is nowhere near hers and she had to make a significant detour just to pass by and get my attention. She had put on a pair of skin tight yoga pants that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt she was anatomically correct. Touché.
Our breakroom was empty and I got to eat lunch in peace. I took a little time to instant message my friend Sarah while I ate. We got caught up for the day and I signed off so I could get back to work. Before I went to clock in from lunch I accessed my iTunes account and bought a new song.
The song is a catchy little tune that is fun to dance to. The title was a metaphor for my day. “Man I Feel Like A Woman” by Shania Twain. On my way home I played it a couple times and sang along. I got a few stares from other drivers while sitting at stop lights but I could care less. I am really beginning to feel like a woman.