The big E and other things

I saw my Endo earlier this week. He looked me over and asked how I was. I said ok, except for a cracked tooth that had started to hurt really bad. We talked a bit about my transition to this point. He asked about my wife and kids. I didn’t lie. I said things have been strained between my wife and I. We have been dealing with stuff related to the kids and the house so we haven’t talked a lot about our situation. He asked about my meds and I let him know I have been sticking strictly to my dosages. No self experimentation. I didn’t want to skew my baseline test results.

Yay, my test results… I had been upped to 2mg estradiol and dropped to 100mg spiro for the last 3 1/2 weeks. This was supposed to be my first major test. The first result he looked at was my general blood chemistry. I am a little anemic and the white cell count was elevated a bit. We chalked that up to a possible infection in my tooth. Then he checked the testosterone readings. 202, below normal for a genetic male. Woohoo! I dropped almost a hundred points from when I was on 200mg spiro. Progress. He mentioned upping me back to 200mg, but decided to keep me the same for another month. Then the estrogen results. He paused and actually said ‘wow’. “Your body seems to absorb estrogen very well. I have some patients on higher dosages that don’t have close to your results.” 375 was my score. I’m not sure where that puts me but it’s way higher than he expected. My friend Sarah once said I would be dangerous when I started E. She was right. My doctor promptly said he would authorize doubling my estradiol dosage to 4mg. I agreed. I go back in a month for another blood test for maintenance.

You are probably wondering about all the effects I’m getting. The pores on my face have closed a bit more and my face is really starting to smooth out. Some of the hair growth on my body has slowed down or disappeared. The hair on my head is wavier, thicker and a whole lot softer. I wish it was a bit longer though. I have trouble pinning it back so it stays out of my eyes. My finger nails seem to grow a bit faster but they crack easier. My eyesight has changed somewhat. I may need new glasses depending on how the new doses effect my eyes. Emotionally I am still in a place where I feel calm. I have not turned into the emotional wreck everybody told me I would. Finally what everybody really wants to know about, my breasts. Yes they have grown again. For a while they seemed to go dormant. I have gotten another half inch in my chest plus they started to even out more. The circumference is a tad larger too. Now they are starting to look like proper breasts and not ‘man boobs’.Hurray! Unfortunately they are getting harder to hide.

This morning I had to get a root canal on that cracked tooth. Yup, it was infected. I love my new dentist. She is amazing and very caring. The office staff is the most professional and friendly I have ever seen. They treated me nicely and with respect. Everyone used all the correct pronouns! To them I was just another female patient. I have never enjoyed going to the dentist but this has come the closest.

Tonight I got a message from a woman who attends my trans support group. She is just starting out and in fact came to our last meeting presenting as female for the first time in public. She is very shy and has trouble shopping for clothes. She asked me if I would like to go with her sometime soon. Oh hell yes! I may be out of money this month but I’m not going to turn down a chance to window shop for myself and lend support to a friend. I’m wondering though how I suddenly became some trans fashion icon. Lately I have been getting nice comments on my clothing. To me it’s nothing special, kind of plain really. A few nice blouses, some t’s and cami’s, couple dresses, and pencil skirts. I practically live in pencil skirts. Oh, of course one all purpose pair of skinny jeans. Ignore the fuschia miniskirt, please.

It’s strange. I now have more friends than before my transition. Just being able to be myself has made that very easy. If this was truly an act or a phase I don’t think that would be possible. It wasn’t possible for me before. I had only a few close friends and most of those were from work. They knew me better than most because of my work which in turn made them want to get to know me better. Nowadays people like me because the real me is more accessible. People don’t always have to meet me in one circumstance and then decide to take the relationship further. It really helps to be happy, truly happy with myself. Others sense that and are drawn to it. I always felt broken, unlike able , unlovable. You had to drag me out of my shell to decide whether or not you could take being my friend.

The new me is quite a bit nicer and easier to get along with. I still have one huge character flaw though. Get me talking and I can’t stop. Which is why I’m stopping here before I butcher this post some more 🙂

Girl Supplies

My female wardrobe has now surpassed my guy wardrobe. It never stops though. There’s always another top, sweater, or dress that catches my eye. I have 9 pairs of shoes and I’m still saving for a pair of boots I really want.

Jewelry never excited me at all before. I stopped wearing a watch years ago. And the only ring I have is my wedding ring. At last count I have three necklaces, 6 bracelets, and 14 pairs of earrings.

Of all the things I love about being a woman is makeup. I’m finding that I spend a bunch of my money on cosmetics. Moisturizers for body, face, eyes, hands and lips. Lipsticks in various shades to accent my outfits. Eyeshadows in rainbow colors for every occasion. Eye liners both pencil and liquid. Primer and concealers to cover imperfections and smooth out my skin. Foundations in summer and winter colors. Oh my!

I’m the only dad I know that has a Sephora frequent buyer card. I know the Chanel girl at Macy’s by name. I make special pilgrimages to MAC. The cashiers at Target don’t even blink an eye when I buy mascara presenting as a male. And I routinely drive my daughter to Sally’s Beauty Supply and pick up my own supply of nail polishes at the same time.

And after all that my wife doesn’t understand it. To her I am becoming one of ‘those’ women. The ones who obsess over the shoes and clothes and makeup. Things my wife has almost no interest in. I don’t obsess over them, but I know I need them to learn those things about being female that I didn’t learn growing up. I need them to blend in. Something I seem to be able to do more often these days.

Really quick post. Some shout outs

Really really quick. I did a bit of mall ratting yesterday while waiting for my glasses to be fixed. I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to the folks at Macy’s, Anne Taylor, Sephora, and White House/Black Market. Even though I was presenting most male, the sales people treated my nicely and with respect. The helped me find some really nice things and trying them on was no problem. In Anne Taylor I even noticed another trans woman shopping there (she clocked me as trans by the way).
Bravo to these stores and their employees. It’s hard enough being trans without being hassled trying to make an honest purchase. I will be a customer for life. Although a bit poorer :-). Ok, everything I bought was on sale.
-Rachel “The Frugal CD”